My experiences of online dating has probably put me off dating for life. I've been a member of "Plenty of fish", "Ok cupid" and "Tinder".
On "Plenty of fish" I struggled to find anyone who wasn't severely overweight, bald and 50 with no education to speak off. "OK cupid" was even worse, I received an email from a guy who wanted an 'older' lady to join him and his girlfriend for a threesome. I really appreciated at the age of 28 being called an 'older' lady.
Then to "Tinder" which even though it has a bad reputation I've spoken to some nice guys, never met any of them I must say I get a bit freaked out when they push too hard to meet up or get your phone number. From all of the free sites my worst experience came from "Ok cupid". I don't know if it's just me who seems to attract odd men or if it's the sites. I have the odd flick through tinder from time to time but I've decided for me I need to meet a man in the real world. 

Now that you have set a date, here are some guidelines on preparing for your date.

I believe the most important thing is to be yourself and try not to be too nervous. I know, easier said than done right? Dress appropriately, but also wear some clothes in which you feel comfortable.

The first part is picking the perfect spot for a date. I would suggest a public place, but also not too crowded. Meeting up in a discotheque, or a busy bar would make a simple conversation impossible. I would say a good spot for a date is a public park. There you can talk at ease, yet it also provides you with a possibility to enjoy the view in case the conversation goes silent. And it will probably will. But a silence, doesn't need to be a awkward silence. A silence is not a bad thing, there doesn't need to be a conversation the entire time, you don't need to make things up to keep the conversation going either.

When you are meeting each other in a public park, make sure you know how to recognise each other. It can get awkward if you have no idea who you are looking for. You have seen each other's profile picture, but in reality you can both look different. Whether you just had your hair done or whether you are wearing more or less make up, you can look different. However if he does not resemble your picture in the slightest, something is definitely wrong. And you should probably get out of there. If he is lying about his appearance, there is no telling what else he might be lying about.

I would suggest going for a drink rather than going for dinner. Going for a drink gives you the opportunity to have a talk. Yet in case things don' work out you don't need to have it go on and on while you are waiting for the third course. Also be aware about what you are ordering. Remember, you need to make a good first impression.

If you are going for a drink, keep in mind that things have changed and that the guy doesn't necessarily have to pay for the drinks. When you ask for the bill, simply ask whether you can pay your part. This way he can decide whether or not he will invite you. Assuming he will pay just because he is the guy, might also leave a bad impression.

In the end you need to be careful, you never know the person’s real intentions. So make sure you tell someone where you are going and who you are meeting. Having a back up in the same place where you are having your date might be too distracting. However you could set up a sort of warning system with your friend. It would be easy to slip away to the rest room and send out a text message to let your friend know everything is ok.

If the date doesn’t seem to work out, don’t panic. A first date can be stressful and nerve wrecking. Try to simply enjoy your date, you are simply meeting a guy. After you say your goodbyes, give it some time to settle all in. A good night sleep might help you put it all in perspective. Or maybe you just need a second date.

Check this blog next week to read my online dating experience and to discover whether I found my Prince Charming through the internet.

Let's talk about the question that has been burning on your tongue. When can I meet the amazing person? You have probably been messaging back and forth some time now and you really like what you are reading so far.

So when do you pop the question to meet each other face to face? Well there isn't really a rule. I suggest you go with the flow. It's all about finding the right balance. If you ask too fast you might scare the person away, if you wait too long he/she might lose interest and go off to find someone else.

A great advantage of messaging, is that you are actually getting to know each other. This leads to the fact that you will probably be able to feel by the tone of the message whether the moment has arrived.

If you feel like the time has come, simply be honest. Say that you are really enjoying talking to each other and that you would like to meet him/her. If that person say it's too soon, just say you understand and that you don't mind waiting some more and continue messaging in meanwhile.

Even though us girls want to be equals to men, we tend to wait to get asked. I suppose it's because of the idea of romance. As I said in my previous post, there are several steps before actually messaging each other. I don't think I ever started messaging to a guy. I would send questions, send smiles over to gain interest. But then, to see whether he was really interested, I would wait and let him take the first step in messaging me. But if you feel like you are ready for the next step, simply follow your gut and follow your heart.

Check in next week for the second part on this topic.

So today's entry has let you wait a bit, sometimes life just takes over. My mum has been in the hospital and she is quite ill so I needed to look after her. Today's is a bit longer as the previous to compensate. Also I am taking questions. If there is anything you would like to know concerning online dating you can leave your question as a comment to this entry or you can leave it as a comment on Instagram. Let's get on with the post!

With your profile all set up you are ready to get active on the dating site.

All the dating site will offer you a way to search for possible candidates. Usually free websites have got a regular search engine in which you can search persons complying certain preferences such as age and gender, as well as the distance to where you are living.

Whereas to paying sites, they offer a more sophisticated way to search. Usually they will offer you "candidate proposals". Based on the personally quiz you took when you signed up at the website as well as your preferences, they will reveal a certain number of candidates to you each week.
They might also have a function in which they present certain candidates who might be interesting for you, however they do not meet all of your preferences. For instance they might live further away or may not fit you age preference. It is interesting to check these out, since it might give you more options. However keep in mind the blog from last week, your "essentials" shouldn't change. Maybe a year older than you prefer isn't that bad, but if he got cats while you're allergic to them, that's simply not going work.

While you are going through the profiles that are presented to you, keep in mind to look further than the picture on the profile. I know I said last week that you will get judged on your profile picture, however it’s important to see beyond that. It’s like they say you can’t judge a book by its cover, the inside of a person is as important, if not even more important as the outside.

So when you find a profile, I would suggest that you read the profile entirely. See whether the person has taken time to fill up his/her profile, see whether you like what he or she has put on his profile and whether it is consistent with the list you put together of what you are looking for.

If he/she is, you can engage in conversation. When it comes to the free sites, you are able to send a message directly to the person. The paying sites usually have some sort of trajectory you have to follow. You can send a message directly however they advice against it. They offer a few steps in order to get to know each other before you engage in a conversation.

The first step that the site I used to be on offer was to smile at someone, which you could do when you really like their profile. This could also be used to gain someone's attention, because maybe that person didn't get you in their partner proposals.
The next step was to like or comment the profile of the other person, for instance if you like their hobbies or whether you want to comment you also practice the same sport.
Then, you could send over five questions. These are multiple choice question you could pick out of a list of predesigned question. The nice part about these question is that you already get to know a little bit more about the person. The thing I also really like about this is that there were three fixed answers and one open question. So if the person you are sending these questions to, doesn't find himself/herself in the answers he/she could fill in something entirely different or a combination of the fixed answers.
The next of the trajectory was to send each other preferences, I never used this, so I don't really recall what this was exactly.
I used to skip from the questions to the final step which is messaging. If you really like the answers you got to your questions, you can send the person a message or you can wait a few days to see whether he/she will send you a message. However don't wait too long, there are many persons active online, so someone might just steal your prince charming away from underneath your nose!

For this next part you will need to create your profile.

When you sign up for the dating site you will be asked to answer an extended personality test. Though I don't recall exactly the questions of this test, it were short statements and you had to decide whether you would rather agree or disagree with them. With this test the site pretends to determine which candidates would be a good fit for you.

Apart from this test you will need to create your own profile. And just as in real life you will get judged on your appearance. So it is important to have a good profile picture. Take your time in making one and deciding which one you are going to use. You want to leave a good impression of yourself and at the same time distinguish yourself from the others.

A good advice I have heard, is to upload one or two good pictures at first. Don't upload thirty pictures at once. Instead upload a new picture once a few weeks have passed so that the other users on the dating site get a notification that you have uploaded a new picture and they will be inclined to visit your profile to have a look.

Further on, I believe it is also important to provide a sufficient amount of information on your profile. usually the website will have a certain layout with information boxes, such as "About you", "Hobbies", "What are you looking for?". There are also checkboxes to indicate whether you are a smoker, whether you drink or whether you want to have children.

Filling in these boxes will help possible candidates to decide whether or not they will get in contact with you or not. Even though at first they might not be attracted to your picture, there are guys who will continue to read your profile and they might be persuaded by the rest of your profile.

Remembers there is no readymade answers in filling in your profile, you just have to be yourself!

If you have any questions you want me to handle, leave a comment on this post. I will answer them in the next installments of this series!

 

These days it seems harder and harder to meet someone in the real world. Maybe you are one of those lucky few who meet their partner during high school and stay together forever. But if you are not, things might be a little more complicated.

This is so my experience. I was far from Miss popular. I had my first boyfriend when I was eighteen years old, but due to the distance between us and time spent at university it simply didn't last.

While back in the day, when my parents were younger say about thirty years ago, people would meet up in bars, I feel like that has changed and discotheques (clubs) have become hunting grounds for a new conquest for the night. Or maybe that just says something about the discotheques I used to visit.

Over the last few years a new phenomenon has risen: Internet dating.

In this series I want to talk to you about the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to Internet dating. This all will come from my personal experience and from those near to me who have also done their fair part of dating on the Internet.

Stay tuned to discover whether I found my Prince Charming on the World Wide Web..